NaPoWriMo #14

Today’s poem was inspired by this essay over at Queen Mob’s Teahouse.

Fat Hope

No one wants to see your body.
Tough.
It exists.  It is here.
This body a landscape
of fecund hills rolling over organs
uneven, mountainous breasts blowing kisses to gravity
flab on my arms like wings
—I always wanted to fly.

On the crowded bus, I push
myself into the side wall, staring
out the window
trying to make myself small
force the spread of my back
side to retreat from the second seat
to no avail
trying to be invisible

to be nothing.
Isn’t that what too many
of you want me to be?
And not just me.
All the size 0   size 0 dishonesties
and bodies on paper edited
to hairless, flawless, colourless
satisfaction.

You’ve lost so much weight.  You look great.
The mirror lied for years,
but I always looked great.
Don’t talk about my weight,
this uneasy deal with fate and doctors.
Let me ovulate, and I will hold
this secret precious as a breath.

In comes the self-hate.
I devour it  this time
this time there is something else
a voice of reason     of love
hard-won through years
of bullied sobs and pent-up closets.
I can beat this.
I’ve trampled it all before.

© 2015 by Robin A. Sams

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